Preface
Writing
In the previous post, we had a deep conversation about the cores of scientific writing, this is, what are the philosophies behind it. In the current post, we are ready to explore on a more substantial level the application of this philosophy in real writing. The suggestions here are based on the main principle we mentioned earlier, readers are all.
“Correct writing”
Bear in mind, that there is never an ever-correct way to write. What you can see here are thoughts that can help your way of writing.
Inspired from
George Gopen and Judith Swan’s online article in American Scientist.
Main
“If the reader is to grasp what the writer means, the writer must understand what the reader needs.” - George Gopen and Judith Swan, The Science of Scientific Writing, American Scientist
Writing to reader’s expectation, is the rule of thumb for effective communication. Should you want to express the knowledge, or try to bring value to a general reader, think from the reader’s perspective. Then soon, you will find out that an unpleasant scientific reading is often caused by sentence overcomplexity. For this reason, we aim to reduce the height of reading barrier by matching sentences to clearness and conciseness, while avoiding oversimplification. How? The key concept here is the reader’s expectation.
The purpose of a scientific article is to present information. Some argumentative sentence may add on, but it is there always to deliver a piece of information in the end. And here is where we break through, we want to change the way we word the sentences; we change the form of presenting information.
Consider the following table:
| Number of adults | Height range |
|---|---|
| 1 | [160, 165) |
| 2 | [165, 170) |
| 4 | [185, 190) |
| 6 | [170, 175) |
| 6 | [180, 185) |
| 9 | [175, 180) |
I am sure you retrieved the relevant information here in the table, but you feel it is messy, and kind of confusing. This is due to the fact that the table has been ordered ascendant according to the number of adults. Could it have been better represented? Yes, what about this:
| Number of adults | Height range |
|---|---|
| 1 | [160, 165) |
| 2 | [165, 170) |
| 6 | [170, 175) |
| 9 | [175, 180) |
| 6 | [180, 185) |
| 4 | [185, 190) |
The information presented is the same amount, but this time it is more understandable, isn’t it? The table has been ordered ascendant according to the height range. And why has it become more understandable? The answer is the table presented based on the expectation. What does it mean? In this example, it is clear that the question it tries to answer is the number of adults that fell in a certain height range, which makes height range the independent variable, and makes it the first variable to look at. It is therefore that readers expect to look at the height range first (hence sorted makes it easier) and then find the number of adults in this range. Despite of being possible, it would not be common to ask what is the height range that corresponds to x number of adults.
Also, a better way to improve the table, to match the expectations, is the following one:
| Height range | Number of adults |
|---|---|
| [160, 165) | 1 |
| [165, 170) | 2 |
| [170, 175) | 6 |
| [175, 180) | 9 |
| [180, 185) | 6 |
| [185, 190) | 4 |
You may start getting some feeling regarding the methodology we are trying to present here. This methodology focuses on changing the structure of the content to match user’s expectation so that the reader interprets what the writer wanted to express as much as it can. In the following sections, we will present some of the techniques as the result of applying this methodology.
Core idea: Information is more likely to be interpreted as writer wrote it if placed where reader expects to find it.
Techniques to match reader expectations
We shall apply the techniques in a real example to compare and contrast the changes. Unlike the scientific extract from George Gopen and Judith Swan, I am still not at the level to detect optimizations in a real scientific article. Therefore instead, I have chosen some extracts from my previous essays and tweaked them a bit. We will detect any part that could improve in these extracts.
1. Subject-Verb Separation
Say we have the following extract:
Action potential, an informational basis that a neuron transports, travels along the axon as a brief reversal of local membrane potential, in essence, is an electrical impulse.
Doesn’t it feel weird? This sentence pauses after “Action potential” for a long explanation, and then continues with the verb at the end. That is the cause of discomfort when reading it.
To get deeper, we need to understand that expectation is a delicate concept. Immediately after we talked about the subject “Action potential”, we naturally expect something right to solve this small thrill. Think of the subject as if it were the question, the question that goes “What? What happens with the Action potential?”; picture it as a knot. Then, the verb should be the answer, the one that unlaces the knot. Check this version of the previous sentence:
Action potential is, in essence, an electrical impulse, the informational basis that a neuron transports and travels along the axon as a brief reversal of local membrane potential.
Core idea: Raising an exciting thrill but not continuing with the plot causes an irreparable reading experience and destroys the sense of momentum.
Therefore, attach the verb after the subject as soon as you can to solve the thrill. Anything in between will cause continue expectations to be held in the air, uncomfortable. Plus the content in the middle won’t get attended to at all.
2. The one and only meaning
The previous sentence still looks messy. It goes without saying that the author of that sentence, myself (laughter), has most of the responsibility. However, we can keep distilling it to improve it.
The next point is atomicity. Giving one and only one meaning to each sentence is already a hard task. Imagine they say:
Team Gnefil won’t be playing in the second division.
This sentence on its own could be interpreted as “Team Gnefil” plays so good that they will always play in the first division and not in second. Whereas the other means the opposite, “Team Gnefil” plays so bad that they won’t even reach second division.
It is difficult to interpret one single sentence in the same way for all readers already, so don’t stuff the sentence with even more means to interpret.
Core idea: Each unit of disclosure, no matter the size, should serve exactly one single function, and should make one single point.
Reminding that the extract was:
Action potential, an informational basis that a neuron transports, travels along the axon as a brief reversal of local membrane potential, in essence, is an electrical impulse.
To throw a point toward this section, we cannot be sure if the author wanted to emphasize the first part where “Action potential is an electrical impulse”, or if the rest of the sentence is also relevant to the extract.
One version could be:
Action potential is, in essence, an electrical impulse.
The other interpretation could be:
Action potential is the informational basis that travels along the axon a brief reversal of local membrane potential. It is in essence, an electrical impulse.
This is the point we exactly want to remark here. We can’t be sure what did the writer mean in the first place, which caused distinct interpretations.
Core idea: It is not possible to state a sentence which has one and only one interpretation; what we can do is to write it maximising the chance to be interpreted as it was intended.
3. Stress position
Writing is sometimes perceived with its own melody, with its ups and downs. This is an analogy, a result because we tend to read the sentences as if we speak them out loud. Of course, this is not more the case when you are an experienced reader. At that stage, you either inhibit your inner voice or your reading is much faster than it. However, the real point trying to be made here is that good writing should be spoken fluently.
Until this point, the importance of simulating speaking when writing is explained. Now, more metaphorically, your writing breathes. Yes, exactly. To put this in context let’s take the previous section’s example. When the subject is thrown into the sentence, it results in a sense of intriguing tension. Do you feel your breath is held when reading the intermediate part between subject and verb? And the breath is finally released with the arrival of the verb. That is how your sentence “inhale” and “exhale”.
Core idea: Let your writing mentally breathe in and out.
For example this sentence:
The sodium channels when reaching the threshold of the action potential, open allowing sodium influx.
Could be rewritten into:
The sodium channels open allowing sodium influx when reaching the threshold of the action potential.
Once we are aware of how different parts of the clause cause tension, as well as how they control the thrill of the inner speech, we want to introduce you stress position.
The stress position is the part of a sentence (usually at the end) where we emphasize the relevant material. This corresponds to the feeling of exhalation that we just discussed. The stress position does not only give a sense of solving tension which causes great fulfilment but also carries the indispensable role that is the ending. More than often, here is where you want to put the most relevant piece of information of the whole sentence or clause.
The reason why we focus most of our attention on the closure of the sentence is the same one we are so excited about the ending of a film. The final part usually gives the full integrated meaning of the sentence while also revealing the real true intentions of the author. And it is obvious that without locating the intentions of the author we are way too far from even guessing the right interpretation.
Core idea: Stress position in a sentence takes the most relevant information.
In this example:
The sodium channels open allowing sodium influx when reaching the threshold of the action potential.
If the intention is to emphasize “when”, the exact time when “sodium channels open”, we may consider putting it in the end as it is now. However, if the intention is to explain “what” happens when “reaching threshold”, a better way to write this is:
When reaching the threshold of the action potential, the sodium channels open allowing sodium influx.
Or:
The sodium channels open when reaching the threshold of the action potential allowing sodium influx.
Each part of a sentence should be given a unique function, no two parts will have an identical one. The same is for the stress position. Speaking by definition, there should only be one most important piece of information to be stressed. Therefore, the sentence shouldn’t have difficulties placing the right clause in the right position.
However, there are times that we unconsciously stuff the sentence with more than one element to emphasize. This usually causes confusion and requires extra effort from the reader to understand the sentence. If you really need to have more than one stress position, use a semicolon (“;”) to separate both parts.
For instance:
Action potential is, in essence, an electrical impulse, the informational basis that a neuron transports and travels along the axon as a brief reversal of local membrane potential.
Could be written as:
Action potential is in essence an electrical impulse; it is the informational basis which a neuron transports and travels along the axon as a brief reversal of local membrane potential.
Core idea: Don’t list more stress items than the number of stress positions. If you really want to, try colon or semicolon.
4. Topic position
The stress position marked the relevant information, the topic position sets the perspective. If we had to explain stress position with a proverb it would be save the best for the last, whereas the proverb for topic position would be first things first.
Contrary to the stress position, the topic position is located at the beginning of the sentence. It has two main roles in the critical location it is situated: mark perspective and link preceding to the following.
The perspective is rather logical point. Whatever goes first in your head has a dominant role in the rest of the sentence. And from a writer’s perspective, the topic position is the perfect part to tell the reader whose story it is (in this sentence). Let’s say a sentence says:
The man kicked the ball.
And compare it to:
The ball was kicked by the man.
They literally mean the same thing. Nevertheless, the focus light pointed towards the man in the first extract. The man is the protagonist and moves the plot forward. On the other hand, the second extract could be a story of a ball, in which this is the part the ball is being kicked. And our perspective is thus focused on the ball rather than the man.
Core idea: Topic position sets the perspective that moves the story.
Furthermore, the topic position is the node that connects the previous sentence with the current. Therefore, we need to link both sentences using topic position.
One first responsibility from this view that may seem obvious is constructing the logical connection between the two sentences. The second one is rather unnoticed; it carries the old information which appeared before.
Why is that? When reading, our first point of contact forms our anchor to this sentence. Therefore, the topic position is suited to hold the “old information” presented before. This way, the reader won’t be lost when starts reading this sentence. The appearance of familiar information prepares readers to receive new information. Besides, it offers the logical relation between parts in the bottom line.
Core idea: The topic position carries the linkage, by holding old information. In contrast, the stress position is appropriate for new information and information worth re-emphasize.
As an example:
Action potential starts in the neuron dendrites, where it forms Excitatory/Inhibitory Postsynaptic Potential, corresponding to the depolarization/hyperpolarization of the membrane. The resting potential is about -70mV in resting human neuron membrane. With opening of ion channels, flow of specific ions is allowed when potential travels along. The axon hillock determines with neuronal integration whether final potential surpasses the threshold once the potential arrives
This doesn’t look bad; nonetheless, you might feel exhausted each time you receive a sentence with new term. What about this version:
Action potential starts in the neuron dendrites, where it forms Excitatory/Inhibitory Postsynaptic Potential, corresponding to the depolarization/hyperpolarization of the membrane. The neuron membrane of a human is about -70mV when resting. Then, potentials travel with the opening of ion channels, allowing the flow arriving to the axon hillock. Finally, once the potential arrives, the axon hillock determines with neuronal integration whether final potential surpasses the threshold.
Ending
Here we concluded some techniques derived from writing principles. Important ones:
- Keep the distance between subject and verb as short as possible
- Maximise the chance to interpret your text as you intended, by giving one and only single function to each unit of your sentence.
- Put the most relevant material which needs emphasis in the stress position.
- Set the perspective of the sentence with the topic position.
- Locate the old information and linkage in the topic position.
There are of course more principles out there, for more examples, check the original article that inspired this post. Hope this helps you in your academic writing once more.
“It may seem obvious that a scientific document is incomplete without the interpretation of the writer; it may not be so obvious that the document cannot “exist” without the interpretation of each reader.” - George Gopen and Judith Swan, The Science of Scientific Writing, American Scientist